On Friday the Hubs was laid off, along with his entire department. To say it was a shock would be an understatement. GB and I were about to head out on a walk when I got a text that said..
“Head home now. I have very bad news. I am coming home.”
My first thoughts were something had happened to one of my step kids, my in laws, or my parents. Then my mind went to a few other places but this was so out of left field the thought that Tony might have lost his job didn’t even cross my mind.
Finding ourselves in this situation a year after moving here and dealing with the job search, and the stress of having no income is hard. I wish I could say its easy to remain positive. That all the work I have done to change is paying off because this isn’t even phasing me. But that would be a lie. I am stressed, scared, tired, angry, and at the same time relieved it didn’t happen at a worse time. However I find myself being calmer than last time and calmer than I was in the past in scary situations. What is this big difference you ask? My faith. Quite simply for the last year and a bit I have been trying to learn to welcome God back into my life and my heart. Which hasn’t been easy. A lot of damage was done to that relationship. It has been hard for me to feel like I would ever get back to that place of joy, trust and peace with God. I strayed so far and closed the doors of my heart so tightly.
Most of you know I am not perfect, I have made many mistakes and a lot of those mistakes have cost me. At the time I thought the costs were earthly things. Not until my heart started to ache and yearn for something I remembered but no longer had did I decide I wanted….NEEDED to find a way back to my faith. You would think it would be a matter of wanting it and just letting yourself go back to that place. But its not. When there is pain and damage you have to sort out all of that. You have to go back and deal with a lot of things you just swept under the rug. You have to ask for forgiveness and you have to move forward. That was the hardest part for me. Forgiveness. I had to forgive myself and that was oh so hard. I consider myself a forgiving person, I give second, third, eighth chances to everyone but myself. So learning to treat myself with a little more kindness and love myself unconditionally just the way God does has been a big journey for me.
And I’m not done, not even close. But my renewed closeness to God has allowed me to for once in my life put my trust and this whole awful stressful situation in his hands. I have prayed for several months about where we are supposed to settle and on Friday he may have just given us the answer. I am not sure what is the next step but I know if I trust him and listen I will find it.
What all of this means is we are most likely leaving Texas (95 percent chance) we are packing up our home once again and preparing for yet another journey. We have so much to do and so much to decide and I am already blown away by the support and love those near and dear to us have shown us. And to all you wonderful readers thank you for reading what I have to say, and giving me a place to grow.
I look forward to this next adventure and I ask for some prayers or good vibes or whatever you can send our way. Moving with a baby potentially across the country is gonna take A LOT of prayers and patience.