The four gifts

8 Oct

Today is my wedding anniversary. We have been married for four years. That something close to 1,500 days. That’s alot of days. And as many of you know we haven’t spent more than two days apart in the stretch.
Seeing as I LOVE lists I decided to do one for my wonderful husband on this special day.
I give you the four greatest gifts Tony has given me during our marriage thus far.

1. Its goes without saying that our Son is number one. GB is everything I could have dreamed but better. He is funny and silly and makes the same faces his father does. Seeing those two together is an instant day maker. No its a life maker. I am so lucky to have a husband who is truly a partner…he helps me with every aspect of raising our son. Never is it solely my job to do something. And that’s big.

2. The strength to battles my demons and win. I spent many years feeling trapped by things and just settling for managing them as opposed to living free of them. But Tony helped me get to a place where I wanted better than that. And with his support, patience and endless encouragement there has been nothing I cant beat.

3. Unconditional love. Cheesy as that sounds its true. Never have I felt loved constantly in a relationship. (excluding parents and family) this was the first relationship in which I knew at all times, in all sizes and shapes, in my best and worst moods I was loved. I was cherished and I was deeply wanted. Having that enables you to live so fully. I hope he knows my love for him is always unconditional too.

4. Laughter. I don’t know if you know this but we think we are hilarious. We spend more time laughing and saying stupid things than is normal. We find everything funny. I know my ego has gotten quite large thanks to having a husband who laughs at my jokes. I am so glad our son will grow up knowing laughter is wonderful.

I could go on and on. Someday I hope to write 50 awesome reasons my husband is better than yours or some such dribble. But for now I will spend the day sifting thru the memories we have made this far and dreaming of the ones to come.

Thank you Tony. You are truly a gift.

Love Always


19 Aug

So its been a hectic, busy and just intense couple months for us…but since we arrived in NC I have finally started to feel settled again. And I am finding I also feel more at peace here than I have in either Texas or California. This is a comparison to my love of Florida. I can actually see us putting down roots and being really happy here.

We have fought so hard to get back to Florida but maybe when we ask the universe all those months ago to tell if it was time to go for it or to give up it finally gave us our answer. I love Florida, it is where I first fell in love with the man who would become my husband. It is where I learned how amazing and happy I could be when I just jumped and hoped all the cards landed right. It is also where my drinking picked up speed and hurtled me towards my sobriety. That would have happened anywhere and I am actually really glad I became such a hot mess so fast….because I also got sober fast and get to stand where I stand now.

But back to the here and now. This move has been great for us…the weather here is pretty much perfect, last summer we were unable to leave the house from about end of June thru beginning of September because it was so HOT! Like the baby is gonna get heat stroke hot. We go for walks every morning and evening and its warm but its still pleasant. We have found a great walking trail over by our Trader Joes, there is a decent flea market and the downtown is a foodies paradise. Overall we are just really enjoying it.

And I am enjoying settling back into the lives we had before the poop hit the fan. Its nice to have more than ten outfits and having all my kitchen stuff back it like heaven on earth. I have been baking and watching Harry Potter pretty much non stop.

I am not sure what God has in the cards for us but if it is to stay here, get our own house and start making connections and finding places that feel like home I am alright with that. Florida isn’t that far away and I have heard it makes a great vacation spot! Who knew ;)

So how about some photos of our lovely summer so far? Enjoy you hooligans.

WP_20140516_021 WP_20140516_024 6tag_180614-104735 6tag_040714-224359 6tag_080714-152840 6tag_130714-224723 Thumba_2014-08-02_22-34-23_jpg WP_20140805_009

And who knows what else the summer holds….it is after all almost my birthday week :)


Breaking our streak

6 Aug

Aviary Photo_130211676071460092Fun little thing about us…we have not spent a night apart since June of 2010. Two months into dating Tony had to go on a business trip and I missed him so badly and he just wanted to come home early. Not long after that he got rid of his apartment and moved in with me and the rest is history.

Sadly the streak was broken this past week. Tony headed back to Texas to get all our stuff with my step son Joey. As sad as I was to spend a few nights apart it was for a good reason. Plus it helped remind me just how much I love having this wonderful man next to me every night and every morning. It also showed me how FREAKING tough single mums are…especially mums with toddlers. GB missed his dada-de and he let me know all day for two days.

It is so easy to start taking our partners and their presence for granted. But when they are suddenly gone even if its just for a few days you are reminded how lucky you are to have them. I was also reminded just how lucky I am that I married someone who I do love being around constantly. I’m even luckier he feels the same way. We do everything together and we actually enjoy it. SO yes it was hard to spend two days without him and I’m sure you all are shaking your heads like I am big baby….but oh well its how we are.

And I guess two days out of our entire marriage is okay ;)

Are you and your love attached at the hip?

Hope your all having a fantastic week.

Until next time,


Pound cake with roasted cherries and chocolate sauce

28 Jul

Okay so a few weeks ago I had a sudden and bizarre craving for pound cake. I dont think I had ever actually eaten pound cake, but well I blame Harry Potter for this craving. I am reading them as usual  (12th time reading the series) and they always talk about the best and most amazing sounding foods at meal times. Hence why I made a roast and pound cake that Sunday.


Okay but back to the point….the pound cake. Having never made a pound cake I decided to trust the master on this one and went with Martha’s pound cake recipe. It was delicious and did not disappoint. That first night however I made it with some fresh raspberries I pureed. Something was missing. Not that it wasn’t good I just knew it could be better.



The next day while pursuing my Instagram feed one of the lovely ladies I follow Honey and the hive posted this amazing looking ice cream she had made. This is the original recipe for that in case that sounds good to you. Now while reading that recipe I saw the link for the roasted cherries and remembered we had some in the fridge that weren’t quite as good as I had hoped when I spent a small fortune on them (am I right?? cherries are way too expensive) So I decided to roast some cherries with GB.


I Tossed them in some sugar…I omitted the salt and pepper this go around but will probably try it next time.


Then my helper and I roasted them at 450 for about 10-12 minutes tossing them a couple times so the juices and sugar didn’t burn. We took them out and tossed them in vanilla as opposed to the brandy since it wasn’t gonna cook off and this is a dry campus up in here.


We set them aside in a bowl to cool and then pitted them. I don’t own a pitter (I will soon though because these are worth making again, also my computer says pitter isn’t a word but pater is?) so I used the end of one of my small sugar spoons to gouge the pits out. Later I cubed up some pound cake, warmed up the cherries and whipped up a batch of microwave fudge sauce and we ate the heck out of this stuff.

6tag_070714-195030Man oh man was it good. You should make it pronto…all of it, or parts of it, or whatever. So this means I can blame Harry Potter for my weight gain riiiight?

What are your food creations lately?

Ever been inspired in the kitchen by the books you love?

If so leave me a comment I’d love to hear all about it.

Until the next time



24 Jul

Originally posted on ghostfaceknitter:

sober me

Wow. It has been one entire year since I stopped drinking. I remember on day 4 looking at my ‘quitter app’ thinking ‘gosh four days is not very long… but soon this will say 1 month, then 6 months, and then 1 year – you can do it.’ I had no idea I would grow and change so much. I had no idea I wouldn’t have to endure my life anymore. I had no idea how fucking happy and awesome I would become during these 365 days. I shouldn’t act like I can’t believe it, because I can – I made all the choices to stay sober and did all the work. I guess if anything I just can’t believe how amazing life is sober and I am in awe everyday at how much more awesome life gets.

On July 24, 2013, I knew I was done with alcohol indefinitely…

View original 689 more words

BriBri’s super duper amazing year

24 Jul

Today my best friend and crafting genius Ghostfaceknitter is celebrating one year sober. To say I am proud doesn’t even cover it. I knew she could do it the moment she text me and told me it was time…and I have be so lucky to be part of this great adventure and huge step she has taken to make her life fantastically breathtakingly wonderful.

My life would be quite lonely without this lady….which is surprising considering we could have been friends a long time ago but were too young, competitive and obviously insane. But thankfully we are in each others lives now, and it is so amazing to have someone aside from the Hubs who gets the sober life. Who cherishes it rather than sees it as a struggle to maintain. Bri and I both didn’t go the AA path…we found once we stopped drinking our lives were so vastly improved we didn’t actually miss drinking. How could we want to go back to where we were when the view from here is so perfect.

This last year has been the stuff of movies for my dearest BriBri….she has kicked toxic people from her life, developed a love of health and caring for her body, started crafting vigorously ( which is leading to her own online shop soon!!) she cooks, bikes, boxes, runs and just does things she loves for herself because she can. She has taken her life back and I am in awe of her strength, determination and mostly the love she has shown herself. Not all of us learn to love ourselves wholly and for who we are. Bri is a source of inspiration to me every single day and keeps my head on straight when I doubt myself. Those who call her friend are blessed beyond measure.

365 days is a long time. And I know the next 365 the next 1000 the next 10,000 will be even more amazing. So join me today and raise a glass of Kombucha (moldy tea which I’m told is delicious) to the amazing, astounding, silly and ridiculous best friend a girl could ask for miss BriBri!

I love you girl. You kick so much butt its crazy.

Year two lets do this!

Now please enjoy some of my favorite pictures from her last year :)


365 Days Ago

Silly Girl

Who do you know who got a tattoo in Thailand by a monk?

Ghostface avoiding the rays at the beach

She’s not the only one who loves the new bike!

Game of thrones crotchet…yes that’s a thing

The vest from hell….that came out soooo cute!

Taking on new craft projects

What a difference a year can make..the girl on the right knows whats up :)

making dresses

mmmm moldy tea

You know you want these all over your house!

Kicking some butt!

I seriously love the woman you are and am so impressed you continue to find ways to become happier and healthier mentally, physically and spiritually every single day.

I love you Mucho Stoopy Pants!

GB’s 1st Bday flash back post

15 Jul WP_20140510_022

I said I was gonna get a couple posts up that happened while life was a bit busy the last couple months. Nana Fifi and Poppie D came up for GB’s first bday and to check out Seattle. Sadly they came right when things hit the fan up there for us and we spent most of their trip getting ready to leave. To say it was stressful at times would be an understatement. It was not how I had imagined mothers day and GB’s first birthday at all but we did make the best of it.

Soooo enjoy some pictures of the fun filled week we spent exploring and enjoying each others company.


Nana Arrives

Nana Arrives


Checking out Pikes Place


My Beautiful Mum


Napping with Stanley


Family shot minus the sleeping baby


Mothers Day Dinner at Bizarro


Mum and Dougie


Birthday Boy!


Agent P




All in all it was a beautiful few days. I got to spend mothers day with my mum and celebrate my sweet boys 1st birthday. Then the next day we began the next adventure to our new home. I will get that post up in the next few days and hopefully stay on track from here on out. I have an amazing pound cake recipe with roasted cherries I am working on for you all.

Hope your having a fantastic week.




The worst blogger ever

3 Jul

If there was an award I think I would be a strong contender. I feel awful I haven’t been on here sharing GB’s first birthday pictures and Mums visit up to the pacific northwest and I feel even worse that I haven’t shared that Seattle was a bust for us. There is so much that has been going on and I have been overwhelmed and just burnt out.

I felt pretty beat up by the world and we were just hanging on and treading water. We have managed to survive and we are slowly starting the thrive again. I am hoping this holiday weekend will allow me to do a few flash back posts and fill you in on GB’s first birthday as well as the second cross country move for us this year. I think doing one big catch up post will be too much so I will be breaking it up a little.

I am happy to be back and even thru all of this mess I have been incredibly blessed.
Stick around I swear I’m coming back…hopefully better than ever.


A letter to GB on his first birthday

12 May

If you don’t like sappy sweet stuff you might just want to stop now and come back on another day 😁 because I plan to mushy all over this blog today.

Today my sweet little honey monkey turns one. He has lived out in this world for a year and he has become my whole world. He brings Tony and I a plethora of joy, laughter and bliss. He has turned me into someone who cries while looking down on him sleeping. He is the best parts of us and I can hardly wait to see the wonderful man he becomes.

I can’t take any credit for this idea of writing a letter on his birthday. I have seen many people do letters to their children. Both online and off. The one who inspired me was none other than my favorite blogger motherhoodwtf  the wonderful Allison. I remember reading her letters before I had GB and going someday I will do that too.


To my sweet GB,

Today you are one year old. Its hard to believe its been a year since I first held you. You have completed me in a way I didn’t think possible. I have a purpose now and while some might not consider it a worth while one or even a real job to me it is what I was born to do. You are the best thing I have ever done. My greatest accomplishment.

In the hospital

In the hospital

You are by no means a perfect child. Funny thing they don’t exist. But if they did you would be very close 😜 although those first three months were rough kiddo. You screamed and fought and refused to sleep and I felt like I was doing it all wrong and that I’d never get it right and you’d end up shoveling elephant poop at the circus. But we made it. Your dad, you and me we pulled thru and we fell into a happy routine.

sleep is for suckers ma

sleep is for suckers ma

You are so funny and so full of zest. Your a stinker who gets into everything and you are constantly getting hurt. You seem to have inherited my lack of grace.  You come stumbling towards me face red, tears streaming like I can fix it all. And for now I mostly can. I hope you’ll always come to me knowing my arms will always be there and I’ll always try and help.

swim time

swim time

I dont exactly know what to write in this letter. I don’t know how to convey what a special, silly nutty little boy you are. How much laughter and love you have brought us. I wish I could describe the feelings I felt when I first held you, first heard your laugh, first held your hand. It was like I made sense. Suddenly my life was bigger than I ever knew it could be.

I can’t wait to see you grow and change. I dread it because I love these moments now. I love our days together and how much you need me. But I do look forward to the young man you will become.

I can already see the funny, bright, outgoing guy you are going to be. You’re such a flirt and you can charm even the crankiest of waitresses. You love you dog and playing with my phone. Your favorite foods are pear and pineapple sauce, waffle wheels and chocolate. Your favorite times of the day are waking up and when “da da da” comes home from work. You love to help me clean and have an odd fixation with the dishwasher. Your laugh makes me laugh till I cry and your cry can break my heart. You are a million little things that make up the most wonderful little boy ever.

playing with "da da da"

playing with “da da da”

And today you are one year old, you are a toddler now. You will keep learning new and funny things and you will run towards the future at speeds I can’t slow down. You will always be my precious sweet baby and I will cherish this first year always. Thank you for choosing me to be your mummy. Thank you for loving as hard as you do.

GB and FJ

GB and FJ

Looking forward to many more years with you my sweet boy.

Love Always

Your Mum


The top 10 things that have changed since I quit drinking

2 May

Today is my 2 year Soberversary. Last year I wrote a fairly simply sappy post. I re-read it today and the last post I wrote before getting sober for good and my what a change. I decided to keep it mostly light and funny today and do a top ten!
Y’all know how I love a good list.

So lets begin.

Top 10 things that have changed since I quit drinking and started being a functioning member of society:

1. My bed time…but seriously. I used to stay up past 2am most nights so I could keep drinking and watch the Disney channel. I know odd combo but clearly it wasn’t my biggest issue. Now we are generally in bed no later than ten and if I stay up reading till midnight I am cursing my impulsive behavior and telling myself how much I am going to regret this indulgence the next day. Oh how times have changed.

2. Pre-gamming. That word alone used to be one of my favorites that and to-go beverage. (Seriously who needs a cocktail to go shopping) Once upon a time this used to mean getting intoxicated before we went out to get more intoxicated….now it means downing a sufficient amount of coffee so I can manage to stay up past 10pm and carry on adult conversations. You think I’m kidding but I have my last cup of coffee around 4pm and that is the only thing that makes it so I can make dinner and handle the bedtime shenanigans in this house.

3. My waistline…and praise the good lord for this one. I knew being a lush was bad for the fairly standard list of reasons, but no one informed me about the gaining nearly 50lbs. I mean it makes sense now. I was drinking my daily calories on top of eating them and not doing any exercise. Because you know its hard to stay on an elliptical while your toasted like a campfire marshmallow.

4.Things I consider fun. If you had told me I would enjoy scrambling up mountains and rocks without makeup on, slathered in sunscreen I would have died laughing in your face. Jogging? GET OUT OF HERE! Bike Riding? Tennis? Studying? Knitting? Crafting? Cooking? Learning new and sometimes difficult to master things?? WHHHAAAAAA?!?! I know seriously drunk me was BORING. Like what did I do all day? Honestly one look at my netflix queue from back then tells you…I watched a lot of bad TV and sat around being lost.

5. My demons….while I am not saying I am completely without issues I have fought and won a lot of the battles I was too scared to fight back then. I know its scary and I know so many of us think we can’t be sober because the second the booze leaves our veins we are left standing there with our walls down and all the doubt, pain, hurt and mess comes flooding in and we feel like we can’t swim. I will never say it was easy…it was hard and I was drowning in shame. But I held on and I learned that the second I faced some of this stuff and worked thru it it was gone. Not there to haunt me anymore, I didn’t need to numb it because I had gotten rid of it. Its amazing how we think drinking solves those problems. It doesn’t…for me airing my issues and finding my faith again and getting love from those around me was what helped.

6.No more drama! No drunken text fights, no screaming matches I can’t remember and no people I swear are looking at me funny. I’m not constantly looking to “start shit” . When I think of the amount of sheer stupid that followed me everywhere I dont know how I didn’t drive Tony insane.

7.My friendships. I no longer need to chase people around desperate for their friendship and acceptance. I am so blessed to have the amazing women I have as my best friends and the countless other wonderful friends who love me, support me and just rock! I have learned how to have happy, healthy adult friendships that aren’t one sided.

8.My mental state.  I truly feel bad for anyone who had to encounter me back in the spring of 2012..I owned the term hot mess. I was on so much medication and booze I don’t know how I even stood up straight. I needed help and I wasn’t willing to admit it. I couldn’t handle anything. The simplest of problem sent me reeling and into melt down. I am so different now. I handle whatever is thrown at me, I am happy, content and full of so much more energy. I haven’t taken medication for any of my former issues in two years almost and I now firmly believe in trying to deal with these issues naturally. I feel I should state this is not an option for everyone and I do not want it to seem I am condemning anyone who needs medication. It truly saved me and helped me get to a place I could safely start to deal with my demons.

9.The person I am. I am a long way from the perfect person. I will never get there. But I am certainly closer to my idea of who I wanted to be when I grew up. I am kinder, stronger and less selfish. I have so much I still want to learn and put into practice in my life. There are wrongs I committed I still want to right and messes I made that probably still need cleaning. But the difference now is I take responsibility, I admit when I’m wrong and I try my darnedest to fix things instead of running.

10. My family….this one seems kind of like “Duh” but you know I don’t care. Man oh man has my family changed. I have the sweetest little honey monkey now and my marriage is a place of refuge and comfort when the world is scary and hard. I have a wonderful extended family and parents who I would just die without. I have two step kids who are growing up into wonderful adults and who I feel I am finally getting to know. I have in laws who opened their home to us and then I have the best husband on the earth. I don’t know what I would do without him. I wouldn’t be where I am without his help, support and willingness to sort thru the pieces and help put me back together.

I love you Tony….you are what makes this all worth it. Well you and GB and mister Flapjack, My boys.

Thank you for reading and sharing my special anniversary with me. All of you remind me all the time why this life is so special and why getting sober was the best gift I could have ever given myself.





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