Today is my 2 year Soberversary. Last year I wrote a fairly simply sappy post. I re-read it today and the last post I wrote before getting sober for good and my what a change. I decided to keep it mostly light and funny today and do a top ten!
Y’all know how I love a good list.
So lets begin.
Top 10 things that have changed since I quit drinking and started being a functioning member of society:
1. My bed time…but seriously. I used to stay up past 2am most nights so I could keep drinking and watch the Disney channel. I know odd combo but clearly it wasn’t my biggest issue. Now we are generally in bed no later than ten and if I stay up reading till midnight I am cursing my impulsive behavior and telling myself how much I am going to regret this indulgence the next day. Oh how times have changed.
2. Pre-gamming. That word alone used to be one of my favorites that and to-go beverage. (Seriously who needs a cocktail to go shopping) Once upon a time this used to mean getting intoxicated before we went out to get more intoxicated….now it means downing a sufficient amount of coffee so I can manage to stay up past 10pm and carry on adult conversations. You think I’m kidding but I have my last cup of coffee around 4pm and that is the only thing that makes it so I can make dinner and handle the bedtime shenanigans in this house.
3. My waistline…and praise the good lord for this one. I knew being a lush was bad for the fairly standard list of reasons, but no one informed me about the gaining nearly 50lbs. I mean it makes sense now. I was drinking my daily calories on top of eating them and not doing any exercise. Because you know its hard to stay on an elliptical while your toasted like a campfire marshmallow.
4.Things I consider fun. If you had told me I would enjoy scrambling up mountains and rocks without makeup on, slathered in sunscreen I would have died laughing in your face. Jogging? GET OUT OF HERE! Bike Riding? Tennis? Studying? Knitting? Crafting? Cooking? Learning new and sometimes difficult to master things?? WHHHAAAAAA?!?! I know seriously drunk me was BORING. Like what did I do all day? Honestly one look at my netflix queue from back then tells you…I watched a lot of bad TV and sat around being lost.
5. My demons….while I am not saying I am completely without issues I have fought and won a lot of the battles I was too scared to fight back then. I know its scary and I know so many of us think we can’t be sober because the second the booze leaves our veins we are left standing there with our walls down and all the doubt, pain, hurt and mess comes flooding in and we feel like we can’t swim. I will never say it was easy…it was hard and I was drowning in shame. But I held on and I learned that the second I faced some of this stuff and worked thru it it was gone. Not there to haunt me anymore, I didn’t need to numb it because I had gotten rid of it. Its amazing how we think drinking solves those problems. It doesn’t…for me airing my issues and finding my faith again and getting love from those around me was what helped.
6.No more drama! No drunken text fights, no screaming matches I can’t remember and no people I swear are looking at me funny. I’m not constantly looking to “start shit” . When I think of the amount of sheer stupid that followed me everywhere I dont know how I didn’t drive Tony insane.
7.My friendships. I no longer need to chase people around desperate for their friendship and acceptance. I am so blessed to have the amazing women I have as my best friends and the countless other wonderful friends who love me, support me and just rock! I have learned how to have happy, healthy adult friendships that aren’t one sided.
8.My mental state. I truly feel bad for anyone who had to encounter me back in the spring of 2012..I owned the term hot mess. I was on so much medication and booze I don’t know how I even stood up straight. I needed help and I wasn’t willing to admit it. I couldn’t handle anything. The simplest of problem sent me reeling and into melt down. I am so different now. I handle whatever is thrown at me, I am happy, content and full of so much more energy. I haven’t taken medication for any of my former issues in two years almost and I now firmly believe in trying to deal with these issues naturally. I feel I should state this is not an option for everyone and I do not want it to seem I am condemning anyone who needs medication. It truly saved me and helped me get to a place I could safely start to deal with my demons.
9.The person I am. I am a long way from the perfect person. I will never get there. But I am certainly closer to my idea of who I wanted to be when I grew up. I am kinder, stronger and less selfish. I have so much I still want to learn and put into practice in my life. There are wrongs I committed I still want to right and messes I made that probably still need cleaning. But the difference now is I take responsibility, I admit when I’m wrong and I try my darnedest to fix things instead of running.
10. My family….this one seems kind of like “Duh” but you know I don’t care. Man oh man has my family changed. I have the sweetest little honey monkey now and my marriage is a place of refuge and comfort when the world is scary and hard. I have a wonderful extended family and parents who I would just die without. I have two step kids who are growing up into wonderful adults and who I feel I am finally getting to know. I have in laws who opened their home to us and then I have the best husband on the earth. I don’t know what I would do without him. I wouldn’t be where I am without his help, support and willingness to sort thru the pieces and help put me back together.
I love you Tony….you are what makes this all worth it. Well you and GB and mister Flapjack, My boys.
Thank you for reading and sharing my special anniversary with me. All of you remind me all the time why this life is so special and why getting sober was the best gift I could have ever given myself.